Top 10 things to make you a true NASCAR fan...

This past weekend, my family and I went to the NASCAR Busch race at Texas Motor Speedway. I had been to a race before, but this was a first for my son, daughter, and wife. We had a great time primarily because we were together as a family. My 7 year old son had a blast and has now proclaimed that he wants to be a race car driver (by the way, my kids informed me that race car spelled backwards spells race car!). If my mother is reading this, don't worry mom, next week he will want to be a baseball player...


I will tell you that if you have never been to a NASCAR race before, go at least one time. Regardless of whether you like the sport or not, it is a sight to see, at least once. I will admit that I was reminded of what comedian Jeff Foxworthy said about going to the state fair: "If you ever want to feel better about yourself, just go to the state fair and look around - you will begin to feel a lot better!". I will tell you, that goes for a NASCAR race as well.

Without further delay (and in salute to David Letterman), here are my top 10 things to make you a true NASCAR fan (according to my observations this past weekend):

10. You must purchase the appropriate car flag of your favorite driver and fly it from your car at all times while traveling to and from the race. Large banners flying from the trunk are also encouraged.
9. Corn dogs are good for you. Don't think about your heart stopping when you eat the 5 pound hot dog smothered in batter that is big enough to be used as a baseball bat!
8. Take your vehicle to a dealership and request that they change your car horn from its normal sound to the ability to play the "rebel yell" from the Dukes of Hazzard. Then, as you drive around the race track, honk your horn repeatedly and do your best Bo Duke "ya hoooo" impersonation.
7. Keeping on the Dukes theme: Daisy Dukes are considered normal attire - although not the best choice for the majority of people attending (including men).
6. Be sure to have your high tech radio headsets to wear during the race - true fans will have the head phones with the microphone pieces in the front and the wireless scanner to listen to the pit crews. Talking into the microphone of your headset will not guarantee that the pit crew chief will actually hear you - but go ahead and pretend.
5. It is appropriate to cheer when an accident occurs on the track. We don't encourage this outside the race track so please refrain from honking your horn and shouting "yeah!" on the interstate when you see a fender bender.
4. You should only put down your cigarette long enough to dip a good piece of your SKOAL tobacco chew. However, please be extra cautious that you do not drop your cigarette.
3. It is also appropriate to salute your favorite driver as they whiz by you at 180 mph with your desired beverage of choice. No need to shout or say anything at this point - the salute speaks for itself.
2. Duct tape is a way of life....embrace it.
(Drum roll here.....) and the number one thing that will make you a true NASCAR fan....
1. Put 14 leather recliners in a long flat bed trailer behind a Chevy Truck and use it as a trolley to drive people to their cars. Be sure to tie the safety rope on the back for people to hold on to as they ride.